maybe

At some point in our life, we need to learn how to (properly) pick and choose the things we say.
For most of my life, this past year especially, I have been the victim of an overactive mind and a mouth that says too much. Which means I'm also a victim of that stupid feeling we all know as regret. I'm constantly saying and doing things that I wake up the next day smacking my head for.
And I know, I know, that we're not supposed to care, and we're supposed to speak our mind and yada yada yada. But, I think, there are some things that really don't need to be said. We reach certain points when certain things just don't matter enough, and when saying them-though you think its helping at the time-is a mistake in the long run. We reach a point when we've exhausted the heart-pour-outs and the emotional spiels, and we need to make peace with the fact that those things have become somewhat irrelevant and ineffective. As much as we may feel them, maybe saying them out loud- in certain cases- will just make everything a little worse. Maybe it's best to just smile, have a nice conversation about life, wish the person the best, and be on our way.

damn zams (ranty roo)

Well, that special time of year is upon us. The time of year when concept of time becomes irrelevant, diets become caffeine based, and sweatpants and pyjamas become socially acceptable to wear day-upon-day on campus. Yes, my friends, it's final exam time.

I'm opting to write this as a form of procrastination. Blogs are good for that sort of thing. I should be studying for my English Lit exam on Wednesday, but the idea of reading poems upon poems that I truly do not understand and cannot process (after the past week I've had of unhealthy late nights and caffeine crashes) blows.
I know this sounds very cliche of me as a University student, but I've never enjoyed the whole concept of final exams. Obviously. I've always felt that, as a person who stresses herself out very easily, finals that are worth 30-60% of your grade in a class are unfair. It's assumed that if you do poorly on an exam, you didn't learn anything in the course and therefore deserve to fail it. I'm sorry, what?
I know some people don't agree with me, but as an Arts student who actually enjoys writing, I would so much rather be graded on numerous essays throughout the year than a final exam that I will never do well on because I exhaust myself with studying and have completely shut down by the time the test gets placed in front of me.
How are we expected to excel at exams when the pressure stresses us out to the point where we pull all nighters, forget to eat, and crash? I mean, the only word that I associate with April now is "stress". I'm constantly tense, have become miss sassypants to everyone who talks to me, and have broken out like a 13 year old boy in the wraths of puberty (so sexy, come and get me).

I had an exam on Friday in American Studies that was worth 35% of my final grade. I also had an exam on Saturday in European History worth 35% of my final grade. Both of these courses stress that in order to pass the course, I MUST pass the final exam. In other words, if I have a 75% in American Studies and bomb the final exam (for some reason, who knows), a years work goes unnoticed and down the drain. Hah.
Now, I was completely aware that I had these exams back-to-back as long as 2 months ago. So I knew I'd have to manage my studying time wisely. But the thing is, my memory sucks (SUCKS) and unless I study for something extremely close to the date, I forget absolutely everything. I should maybe get checked out.
But anyway, I started studying for American Studies about a week before the exam. This was early for me. But, I knew I'd have to study both American and History back and forth so I left myself some time.
HAHA.
I ended up becoming so transfixed on American Studies and the shit that I had to memorize and read for the course, that I got almost no European History studying in. I spent day after day in the library, keeping myself alive with Subway and Tim Hortons coffee, with all my time being taken up by America.
By Friday, I was going into my American Studies exam feeling relatively good about my knowledge on the course, but relatively nauseous by the fact that directly after writing the exam I had less than 24 hours to memorize a years worth of European History notes and readings.
Gah.
When I started studying for History later that day, I was a little relieved because I realized that I remembered most of the stuff from lectures. I made some notes, made a couple of raps to memorize causes for certain situations etc.etc. (yeah, I do that), and even made little quizzes for myself.
I ended up staying up until about 2am (not bad), then waking up at 7am to continue the studying for my 2pm exam.
But when I woke up at 7, I was really messed up. The weeks worth of studying and the cramming had gotten to me, and I could barely get out of bed. So, since I had to (obviously), I resorted to downing cups and cups of tea and coffee. And when that didn't work, I took 2 Wake-Ups right before going into write my exam.
I'm an idiot.
Mid-exam--the exam was 3 hours long and required me to write 3 essays-- I crashed. Hard. HARD. HAAAARRDDD.
I was only halfway through my second essay, feeling awesome because I knew everything on the exam, and my eyes started to shut and everything started to spin. I felt sick, and my head started pounding, and I began to wonder what would happen if I just napped on my desk for 20 minutes.
Ugh.
Since I clearly needed to finish the exam, I somehow managed to keep myself awake. But as I was writing, I was completely unaware of what I was saying. I KNEW what I was talking about and had so many points to include in my essay, but my body was shutting down so hard that I just stopped caring. I wrote as quickly as I could and dipped, possibly failing a course that I KNOW and UNDERSTAND, all because I pushed myself too hard.
UGH.

And the thing is, I get that a lot of the issue here is time management. But with so many major exams so close to each other, time management becomes hard, especially when your memory blows like mine.
Ironically, caffeine has been my only saviour this past week of studying and in the end it was my downfall.
Weh.

Anyway, this was really meant to be a rant and a whine, and I think I managed to make that happen. I know exams will always be, and I know many people actually enjoy them over a bunch of assignments and essays throughout the year. But I will never like them. We will never be friends.
When picking my courses for next year (which I already have), I made sure most of them didn't have final exams. Probably the smartest move I could ever make.

Good luck with zams fellow scholars! I hope your memory is better than mine, and your caffeine intake is limited during this festive season (because, if this rant has taught us anything, I clearly have some sort of addiction).

Love,
Sarah

fashgasm

Hi friends!

I've been so absent lately due to the pile up of essays I had to deal with for all of March (I was averaging 1 major essay and about 2 assignments a week). But it's officially April, and I have the next 15 days free until exams start.

I've joined forces with my friend Justine and her blog Fashgasm (http://www.jm-fashgasm.com/) and will be using that blog to post all of my fashion posts from now on. I figure I'll use this one for my music and personal posts... so I'll still be around, don't worry (I can tell you were sooo concerned there). Hehe.
I'm really excited about this. Justine and I have similar taste, but differ on some things as well so hopefully the posts between the two of us will offer a great variety of ideas/inspiration for our readers. Check it out, please please please. :)

Anyway, just wanted to do a quick post to update where I'm at in life and such. It's a beauuttiful Friday out there, so I'm on my way downtown for some coffee and window shopping with the roommates.

Be back soon!

Love,
Sarah

call me the breeeze

It's kind of funny that I'm choosing to write right now. This is because (oh god, just the recollection makes me want to throw up) I spent 10 hours today-literally 10-sitting in the library writing a 12 page political science research paper. From start to finish.
It was a massive feat, and by the time I'd finally finished at 10:30 pm my eyes were so sore and bloodshot you'd think I'd been smoking up instead of writing for half the day. It was ridiculous.
I reached home around 11, and it was quite a scary task as I was so hungry and sleep deprived that I feared I was going to pass out. By the time I got in my house I had already missed Jersey Shore (fuck.) and basically a full day of living, so I guided my tired ol' self to my bedroom in anticipation of sleep.

But guess what. The sleep hasn't come.

Hah.

So it's Thursday night..or Friday morning, I suppose, and I'm sitting in bed, organizing my thoughts and my music collection. I'm also downloading many new tunes to rock out to on my daily walks to campus.
I've been really into Lynyrd Skynyrd as of late. I blame it on my passion for Sons of Anarchy. It's sparked some sort of need in me to meet a badass boy in leather and be whisked away (via motorcycle) to Southern California. And nothing makes me want to do this more than some "Tuesday's Gone" and "Free Bird". Talk about media influence, eh.
I've also been really into the Irish rock/folk music as of late. A nice little contrast I've got going on there, but that's nothing new when it comes to what I'm listening to. My 10 minute walk to campus today started with The Pogues, followed by some Nicki Minaj, and ended with some good ol' Iggy Pop.
Delicious.

That's all I'm going to say for now. I'm not necessarily ready for bed, but I don't think my brain can facilitate any more creative thoughts today (as if a political science essay on multinational corporations impeding on third world countries has much room for creativity...)

xoxo gossip girl

the thing about the oscars (and kelly osbourne)...

Blogging about Oscar dresses seems kind of laame to me, but I became so aggressive and agitated last night that I think its appropriate.
Here are my two favourite dresses of the night--coincidentally, on two of my favourite actresses:Scarlett was in D&G and Mila was in Elie Saab. Hands down my favourite dresses of the night..probably because they're my style, and things I'd wear if I were ever invited to the Oscars (loool).

I was watching the E! pre-show, with fashion spectating by Kelly Osbourne and that big-headed girl.
When Mila and Scarlett arrived, the hosts didn't have much to say. They complimented the dresses, but when looking back a little bit later, big-headed girl made a comment about Mila's dress being "simple". And then, AND THEN, Kelly Osbourne made some crack about Scarlett's dress not being nice enough for the Oscars. Something about it being too plain, followed by a "I mean, this is the Oscars."

All right. I didn't agree with ol' Kel, but whatever. Whoo cares. Those two are the ones with the fashion reporting jobs, not me.

But now, lets discuss the dress that best actress nominee Jennifer Lawrence was wearing and the reaction it received.
Here is the dress: Calvin Klein and obviously looked so awesome. But the first thought that came to my head was "hmm, that's pretty simple."
I waited for Kelly and BHG, who had just accused the sex bombs in lace of being too simple for the Oscars, to comment on Jennifers dress. But all Kelly exclaimed was how elegant and stunning it was.

Kelly.
Okay.
Jennifer's dress rocked. But lets not be hypocrites here. I refuse to, even as a 20-year-old college student with no experience in the fashion industry, sit here and be told that Scarlett and Mila's dresses were not particularly Oscar worthy while Jennifer's Calvin Klein dress was.
JUST SAYYYINNNNNN.

Check yoself before you wreck yoself.

Annnd I'm spent.

zoe zoe

If you know me, you know I have a pretty big obsession with neutrals and oversized attire. I like colour, and I wear colour (I've been venturing into the world of vibrant patterns lately), but I'm a sucker for black and white. I own a stupid amount of plain tees and black tights and leggings...and a stupid number of black, white, and grey scarves. Really, I just like basics. And the ability to dress basics up. So, when I came across Zoe Jordan's Spring '11 collection, you can understand why I found it so appealing. Here's a few pics:
Delicious. {http://www.refinery29.com/rev-up-your-wardrobe-with-zoe-jordans-spring-2011-collection/slideshow#slide-15}

going to california

I have the overwhelming desire to move to LA and become an actress right now.
As I lay in my bed, staring outside at the black night sky of this cold and grey city I live in, I'm feeling a twinge of jealously towards all those beautiful people I just spent 5 and a half hours swooning over on the Oscars.
That shows makes you pretty pathetic, really. My roommates and I turned on the pre-show at 6:30 and didn't peel ourselves from the couches until the closing monologue at midnight. I mean..really?
It's okay though. Like I said, it made me want to move to LA and pursue acting. I get this feeling every time I watch the awards--not that I would ever pursue it since I am a really bad actress who gets giggle fits every time I'm forced to be serious-- but I like to feel inspired.
Obviously.

While I won't be making the move anywhere for a while (at least a year) it looks like I will be heading to good ol' SoCal at the beginning of May for a much needed vacation with my best friend. We're going to be staying in Santa Monica and doing all the cliche Hollywood tourist things ("Point me towards James Franco's house please"). Everything is basically set, but I'm just waiting to hear if I have a job lined up for the summer. If so, I will be granted a parental loan to hop on a flight to LAX. Thank the lord.
I've been to San Fran (nom) but never LA, and I have a feeling once you get me there it will be hard to get me to leave. I couldn't get enough of the people and the mood of San Francisco, where the days are colder and blanketed with fog yet everyone is still strangely happy and helpful. So, I'm hoping the mood of Southern California is even better.
I don't want to talk about it too much, because i have a fear of jinxing it. Especially because my best friend and I have a brutal tendency to plan trips that always fall through (simply because we're both so broke it's pathetic). But I have a good feeling about this one. I mean, we bought guide books...that means serious business.

I really just felt the need to post something on here tonight, since I'm so off and on. I'll probably be posting some fashion stuff this week, with the help of a friend. But as for now, quick ramblings about the not-so-exciting goings on in my life is all ya get.

i've never gotten used to it, i've just learned to turn it off

I probably open a fresh entry on this blog a good 4 to 5 times a week.
I sit there staring at the blinking cursor, racking my brain for something clever to type. Anything remotely interesting.
And it's funny, because for someone whose had a shit tonne of shit going on in her life, I'm not very good at thinking of something interesting to talk about...maybe a subtle hint that I should give up my desired profession ?

It's Friday night, but the day is kind of irrelevant to me. Honestly, about an hour ago I thought it was a Tuesday. When you're living at school and "So, are we drinking tonight?" is asked nightly, the name of the day doesn't matter much.
I had a pretty good day. The weather is ridiculous (I WALKED ON GREEN GRASS TODAY!!) and beautiful, so I spent the majority of my afternoon driving around in my car and listening to my favourite summer tunes (Andrew Vanwyngarden for the win) to peak my mood.
When I drive around and listen to songs I've been listening to religiously since the summer of 2008, its bound to take me on a trip down good ol' memory lane.
I was thinking today about how much I've changed over the past couple of years. I'm highly aware of it, and I also know that everyone changes once they leave high school and actually grow up and move on with their lives. I guess I just didn't realize how much I would change... I thought I was pretty set with myself by the time I was 18. But since then I've experienced a bunch of new things that have completely altered my perception and views on my life: I moved out, went to college, fell in love, fell out of love, etc. etc. And while some of the stuff I went threw completely blows and I hope I NEVER have to experience it again, I think I'm finally at a place where I can say I don't have any regrets.

See, I have this thing where I seem to enjoy living with regrets. Correction: I don't enjoy it, but my mind seems to think I do. I am just the worst person in the entire world at letting things go. I dwell, I over think, I dwell some more, I smack myself for not doing things differently, not saying the right thing, or (this one is classic Sarah) saying too much and not being able to drop it.
And this past little while, I've come to realize that feeling this way-as hard as it is to shake- isn't getting me anything or anywhere. My inability to let things go is just preventing me from being that happy-go-lucky person that I used to be, and who I've desperately been wanting back for the past 4 months.
It's focked.
There comes a time when you need to stop hoping the past will relive itself because it won't. Things changes and people definitely change, and you can't always blame yourself for that.

So. By telling myself that ridiculously lame shit that I just posted in my blog for people I know to see (looolz) I'm finally at a place in my life where I'm slowly pushing past regretting things. I can't do anything differently, and I need to stop wishing that I could. There's no changin' the past. I'm not Michael J Fox.
("Why does Michael J. Fox make an amazing milkshake?"...."Because he uses the best ingredients.")

It's my Reading Week right now and I'm soo looking forward to getting some much needed shit done for myself. It's so nice to finally say that I'm moving on and finally getting my old self back. And if you're reading this and rolling your eyes.... hi :)

ho ho ho..

Check my tumbly! Merry HOHO!
www.skward.tumblr.com

snow daze

The unfortunate temperatures of London as of late have really made me question my university choice--simply due to the geographical factor, of course.
I've said it before (a few times, I'm sure) and I'll say it again: I HATE THE COLD.
If you've had the pleasure of running into me on campus or just in general within the last couple of weeks, during which the temperatures have plummeted to the negative 20's, it's probably quite obvious. I walk around bundled in mismatched mittens, scarves and hats (only the warmest will cut it), swearing to myself and tripping over my own feet. I arrive at my location ready to punch someone straight in the face, my nose running and cheeks burning.
I'm a joy in the winter, really.

HOWEVER, let's just discuss the fact (while we're on the topic) that it's not even winter yet. Technically, according to the laws of nature, it is still "autumn". I find this hard to believe, as I'm staring out my window right now at four feet of snow and an apparent icicle forrest that has taken form on my roof.
What is happening to the world!!

If you haven't guessed it by now, I'm not having the best of nights. I am attempting to blame the snow and cold weather but, while it is a contributing factor, today and tonight have just blown in general.
It was a snow day today(again.), and while it didn't affect any of my exams (thank god), it did prevent me from getting to the library, the only place I can remotely focus on studying. I spent the afternoon procrastinating in every way I could, and now I'm sitting here the night before an exam for a class I never attend, with only about 1/3 of the course information memorized, procrastinating MORE by blogging.
I really have no one to blame but myself and my apparent A.D.D, but it's still frustrating.

Anyway...
Tomorrow is my last exam of the year (awaahooohhhwo!) and then it's home for the holidays! ...Kinda. I'll be sticking around London for a few post-exam days of drinks and roommate birthday celebrations (the little one is finally legal!). And THEN it's home for 2 blissful weeks of turkey, presents, and friend reunions. Those are my favourite part about the holidays: friend reunions. It's not necessarily a huge deal, since the majority of my high school lives in London anyway, but its always great to have everyone together in one place and under so much alcoholic influence.
It's the most wonderful tiiiime of the yeaaaarr.

I can't WAIT for tomorrow to be over.

stranded

I'm sitting at home--home home-- wondering why I don't check the weather more often.
I opted to drive home this Saturday because my family was going Christmas tree hunting/decorating and, since I'm lame, I really wanted to be involved. So I drove the 1.5 hour drive home with the plan to return to London on Monday.
However, when I woke up this morning I was informed that London has been covered with a ridiculous amount of snow. Everything is closed down (including school) and driving is ridiculous. And it's NOT SUPPOSED TO LET UP ANYTIME SOON.

And here's the thing: I'm down for snow days and it's wonderful that school is cancelled. But all of my exam studying materials and clothes are in London, and apparently I will not be able to get back there anytime soon.
So here I sit, at home, anxiously waiting for The Weather Network to inform me that the snow is finally slowing down.

I keep forgetting winters here and I actually have to keep an eye on the weather before I set out on journeys.
Fock.

Also, I may or may not be a little jealous that my roommates get to play in the snow without me.
God damn.

happy sarah

I'm sitting on my couch, tea in hand, listening to the Galaxie Christmas channel, and watching the first real snow fall of the season. Big, fat flakes of snow. And the best part? It's not even cold out. It's perfect.
I haven't felt this happy for a good few months, to be honest. I feel like a little kid again, and I just want to stay here all day.
Maybe I will.

huckleberry finn and holden caulfield

Thursday nights in make me feel like I'm doing something wrong.
I don't have class Fridays, so when I don't spend my Thursdays having fun with my friends it's just like those weekend nights when you stay in watching movies. You know you don't want to be out, but a part of you is kinda like "you're being lame".
Yeah.
I spent my night watching terrible free Movie Network movies with my roommate and trying (and failing) to read what I have left of Huck Finn.
I've been enjoying Huck Finn, actually (don't worry I'm not gunna book review it). I seem to have some sort of weird attraction to books with relatively no morals or character development within them. I mean, look at my obsession with Catcher in the Rye. I've read a book 7 times about a guy who literally spends 200 pages aimlessly walking around, complaining about his life, and calling everyone phoneys. He doesn't learn any lessons and doesn't give two shits. Yet I love him.
And now Huck Finn isn't learning any lessons and doesn't seem to give two shits either.
I don't know how I feel about him though.. my feelings are neutral right now.

I don't think most people care hehe. I don't usually blog about literature but the sickness may be starting. I'm switching over to an English major next year, so I'm assuming reading "classic" novels will take up the majority of my life, meaning it will probably be blogged about more and more ("Oh Sarah I'm sooooo stoked").

I suck tonight.

my giirll talkin bout my girl (my girl)

Sienna Miller rocks. She's probably one of my favourites. These are from Nylon in February 2007... I was obsessed with this issue. Weohh!

shakin' all over

My nightly caffeine habit needs to be kicked.
I'm sitting in my room with a Starbucks cup in my hand, tapping my feet wildly and trying to think of fun things I can do to get my buzz to wear off faster.
I think...I think this is because I seemed to be under the impression that I was in some way immune to caffeine and its uppity effects on ones body. I really did believe that, you know. For a long time.
I used to drink a really gross amount of caffeine in high school. After my morning coffee I'd purchase a 4 pack of Red Bull, down that by 1, and burn through about 3 more coffees before dinner. It was a bit troubling, especially because I did it because I thought I needed energy, but after a couple months of the habit I felt zero effect from all the shitty I was pumping into my bod.
For someone who doesn't really have an addictive personality, caffeine got to me.
Anyway, I kinda just fell out of habit and stopped drinking so much caffeine by the time I hit grade 12, but my body's resistance to react to caffeine never seemed to really leave me. I still drank 2-3 cups of coffee a day, but it was all for comfort and out of routine...never for energy. It never made me feel awake. And that is why I always made myself a cup of tea before bed, and still do to this day. I could have a delicious hot drink and pass out 5 minutes after.
But GUESS WHAT.
The past few weeks of drinking tea before bed and, really, just drinking caffeine in general has proven that my body misses the caffeine effects and has bestowed them back upon me. I can now drink my cup of coffee before class and actually have the energy to walk my ass there, and get the jitters after my large Timmies regular (om nom nom nom).
And with knowing this, you'd think I'd be able to stop making and buying teas before bedtime. But nope, apparently I cannot.

....Well, thats all. I just needed to type something.

Goodnight :)

PS- Me right now:

expecto patronum

I'm sitting in bed right now and am far too awake. Would you like to know why? I will tell you.

I awoke this morning to a very dark room, which was an instant give away that it was a shitty, grey day out. For the first time in forever, I didn't have my cell phone sleeping right next to my head, so I wasn't sure of the time, but I could hear my roommates milling about in the kitchen so I figured it had to be about 9am--right before most of them were off to class.
I kind of laid in bed for another 10 or 15 minutes, just casually trying to get myself back to sleep since I don't have class until 7pm on Tuesdays. But after trying, I realized I wasn't tired at all. If anything, I felt overtired because my head was kind of heavy and my eyes hurt. SO, I made my way out of bed and over to my cell phone to take a peek at the time, which was...1:00!!
Well, well, well.
For a lot, I'm sure this isn't a big deal. It's not THAT late. But for me, especially in the dark-at-4:30 winter months, waking up at 1:00 is wasting your whole day. Not to mention it makes ya feel so shitty.
Yelling at myself (not literally) for sleeping in so late, I tried my best to get up and moving. But as I emerged from my room to find all my roommates watching afternoon game shows, my motivation to get up and go kind of died and I spent the next 3 hours watching people guess lyrics and make deals. Great accomplishment? Definitely not. I basically slept all day and now, unfortunately, will not be able to sleep tonight.

But don't worry, I'm not the world's biggest lazy bum. At 6:00 I finally got myself together and made my way to school for my 7pm night class. It was the worst walk in the rain, and halfway there my umbrella was blown completely inside out (people laughed) so I was soaked by the time I sat down in lecture. I sat for 2 hours and finally sweet talked my roommate into picking me up so we could head to the grocery store and stock up on appropriate Victorias Secret Fashion Show viewing snacks (celery, cheese, and party mix...?).
We then proceeded home to watch the show. I already blogged about it. Hiya.

Anyway, there you go, the story of my day.
I really wish I could sleep right now. I've started this new habit of watching Harry Potter in bed while simultaneously posting things to my blog and Tumblr. I'm becoming a bit of a blogging junky. I think it's because I'm even more attached to my computer than usual (if it's possible) these days because of all my school work.
It's definitely becoming one of my new favourite things to do during the day. I even shared my tumblr link on Facebook, which is something I'm not usually down to do...the whole promoting my self on FB thing, I mean. It makes me feel kind of awkward. But I kinda figure, whats the point of writing stuff on the interweb if you don't want people to read it. Right?

I'm going to make some Sleepy Time tea and settle in with The Prisoner of Azkaban...

girl crush

Tonight was, as I'm sure most of you know, the VS Fashion Show.
After gathering as many snacks as we could (you know, to really amp up the feeling of guilt and sadness while viewing) my roommates and I settled in to watch the 1 hour spectacle.
Every year I think the designers outdo themselves more and more. The outfits and the ideas were so amazing. I'm posting a few of the look that I remember screaming at tonight..

sunshine

American Gold spring '11..:)

tumblr AND bloglovin, all in one night!

I've had tumblr for about a year now, but I think I'm going to finally start using it:
http://skward.tumblr.com/

AND I joined bloglovin tonight, SO:
Follow my blog with bloglovin