fully, completely

I've never been particularly great with change.
The wanted change-the change that comes with the decisions we make for ourselves-is tricky to me. Any position I put myself in I usually regret for the first week or two. Whether it be school, jobs, long trips, etc., I spend the first week of the new chapter of my life full of regret and worry, constantly wondering if I was better off where I was before. I'm nervous and I'm uncomfortable. But it settles in, I settle in, and I'm fine.
The unwanted change- the change that hits you out of the blue and knocks you down so hard you wonder when and if you'll ever get back up- is even trickier. It's unexpected, painful, and much harder to push past, even though these unwanted changes are apparently things we all must go through. When the unwanted change hits me, when something happens that I was in no way expecting and am in no way ready for, I get thrown pretty far off.
I've always envied the people who can take the unwanted change and make it into something positive. These people are the "everything happens for a reason" people.
I used to tell myself that everything happens for a reason. But the more I said it, especially these past couple of months, the more I realized how silly it sounds. It's the easy way out. The way to justify something sad and try to counteract it. And it's great, especially as the comforter, to be able to dish out these words to the sad and down. But really, I don't think everything happens for a reason. I think we make day to day decisions-sometimes right, sometimes wrong- and we face the consequences of these decisions. And we learn from them, even if we really don't want to accept them. We have to face the music, get up off our asses, and deal with it.