i've never gotten used to it, i've just learned to turn it off

I probably open a fresh entry on this blog a good 4 to 5 times a week.
I sit there staring at the blinking cursor, racking my brain for something clever to type. Anything remotely interesting.
And it's funny, because for someone whose had a shit tonne of shit going on in her life, I'm not very good at thinking of something interesting to talk about...maybe a subtle hint that I should give up my desired profession ?

It's Friday night, but the day is kind of irrelevant to me. Honestly, about an hour ago I thought it was a Tuesday. When you're living at school and "So, are we drinking tonight?" is asked nightly, the name of the day doesn't matter much.
I had a pretty good day. The weather is ridiculous (I WALKED ON GREEN GRASS TODAY!!) and beautiful, so I spent the majority of my afternoon driving around in my car and listening to my favourite summer tunes (Andrew Vanwyngarden for the win) to peak my mood.
When I drive around and listen to songs I've been listening to religiously since the summer of 2008, its bound to take me on a trip down good ol' memory lane.
I was thinking today about how much I've changed over the past couple of years. I'm highly aware of it, and I also know that everyone changes once they leave high school and actually grow up and move on with their lives. I guess I just didn't realize how much I would change... I thought I was pretty set with myself by the time I was 18. But since then I've experienced a bunch of new things that have completely altered my perception and views on my life: I moved out, went to college, fell in love, fell out of love, etc. etc. And while some of the stuff I went threw completely blows and I hope I NEVER have to experience it again, I think I'm finally at a place where I can say I don't have any regrets.

See, I have this thing where I seem to enjoy living with regrets. Correction: I don't enjoy it, but my mind seems to think I do. I am just the worst person in the entire world at letting things go. I dwell, I over think, I dwell some more, I smack myself for not doing things differently, not saying the right thing, or (this one is classic Sarah) saying too much and not being able to drop it.
And this past little while, I've come to realize that feeling this way-as hard as it is to shake- isn't getting me anything or anywhere. My inability to let things go is just preventing me from being that happy-go-lucky person that I used to be, and who I've desperately been wanting back for the past 4 months.
It's focked.
There comes a time when you need to stop hoping the past will relive itself because it won't. Things changes and people definitely change, and you can't always blame yourself for that.

So. By telling myself that ridiculously lame shit that I just posted in my blog for people I know to see (looolz) I'm finally at a place in my life where I'm slowly pushing past regretting things. I can't do anything differently, and I need to stop wishing that I could. There's no changin' the past. I'm not Michael J Fox.
("Why does Michael J. Fox make an amazing milkshake?"...."Because he uses the best ingredients.")

It's my Reading Week right now and I'm soo looking forward to getting some much needed shit done for myself. It's so nice to finally say that I'm moving on and finally getting my old self back. And if you're reading this and rolling your eyes.... hi :)