damn zams (ranty roo)

Well, that special time of year is upon us. The time of year when concept of time becomes irrelevant, diets become caffeine based, and sweatpants and pyjamas become socially acceptable to wear day-upon-day on campus. Yes, my friends, it's final exam time.

I'm opting to write this as a form of procrastination. Blogs are good for that sort of thing. I should be studying for my English Lit exam on Wednesday, but the idea of reading poems upon poems that I truly do not understand and cannot process (after the past week I've had of unhealthy late nights and caffeine crashes) blows.
I know this sounds very cliche of me as a University student, but I've never enjoyed the whole concept of final exams. Obviously. I've always felt that, as a person who stresses herself out very easily, finals that are worth 30-60% of your grade in a class are unfair. It's assumed that if you do poorly on an exam, you didn't learn anything in the course and therefore deserve to fail it. I'm sorry, what?
I know some people don't agree with me, but as an Arts student who actually enjoys writing, I would so much rather be graded on numerous essays throughout the year than a final exam that I will never do well on because I exhaust myself with studying and have completely shut down by the time the test gets placed in front of me.
How are we expected to excel at exams when the pressure stresses us out to the point where we pull all nighters, forget to eat, and crash? I mean, the only word that I associate with April now is "stress". I'm constantly tense, have become miss sassypants to everyone who talks to me, and have broken out like a 13 year old boy in the wraths of puberty (so sexy, come and get me).

I had an exam on Friday in American Studies that was worth 35% of my final grade. I also had an exam on Saturday in European History worth 35% of my final grade. Both of these courses stress that in order to pass the course, I MUST pass the final exam. In other words, if I have a 75% in American Studies and bomb the final exam (for some reason, who knows), a years work goes unnoticed and down the drain. Hah.
Now, I was completely aware that I had these exams back-to-back as long as 2 months ago. So I knew I'd have to manage my studying time wisely. But the thing is, my memory sucks (SUCKS) and unless I study for something extremely close to the date, I forget absolutely everything. I should maybe get checked out.
But anyway, I started studying for American Studies about a week before the exam. This was early for me. But, I knew I'd have to study both American and History back and forth so I left myself some time.
HAHA.
I ended up becoming so transfixed on American Studies and the shit that I had to memorize and read for the course, that I got almost no European History studying in. I spent day after day in the library, keeping myself alive with Subway and Tim Hortons coffee, with all my time being taken up by America.
By Friday, I was going into my American Studies exam feeling relatively good about my knowledge on the course, but relatively nauseous by the fact that directly after writing the exam I had less than 24 hours to memorize a years worth of European History notes and readings.
Gah.
When I started studying for History later that day, I was a little relieved because I realized that I remembered most of the stuff from lectures. I made some notes, made a couple of raps to memorize causes for certain situations etc.etc. (yeah, I do that), and even made little quizzes for myself.
I ended up staying up until about 2am (not bad), then waking up at 7am to continue the studying for my 2pm exam.
But when I woke up at 7, I was really messed up. The weeks worth of studying and the cramming had gotten to me, and I could barely get out of bed. So, since I had to (obviously), I resorted to downing cups and cups of tea and coffee. And when that didn't work, I took 2 Wake-Ups right before going into write my exam.
I'm an idiot.
Mid-exam--the exam was 3 hours long and required me to write 3 essays-- I crashed. Hard. HARD. HAAAARRDDD.
I was only halfway through my second essay, feeling awesome because I knew everything on the exam, and my eyes started to shut and everything started to spin. I felt sick, and my head started pounding, and I began to wonder what would happen if I just napped on my desk for 20 minutes.
Ugh.
Since I clearly needed to finish the exam, I somehow managed to keep myself awake. But as I was writing, I was completely unaware of what I was saying. I KNEW what I was talking about and had so many points to include in my essay, but my body was shutting down so hard that I just stopped caring. I wrote as quickly as I could and dipped, possibly failing a course that I KNOW and UNDERSTAND, all because I pushed myself too hard.
UGH.

And the thing is, I get that a lot of the issue here is time management. But with so many major exams so close to each other, time management becomes hard, especially when your memory blows like mine.
Ironically, caffeine has been my only saviour this past week of studying and in the end it was my downfall.
Weh.

Anyway, this was really meant to be a rant and a whine, and I think I managed to make that happen. I know exams will always be, and I know many people actually enjoy them over a bunch of assignments and essays throughout the year. But I will never like them. We will never be friends.
When picking my courses for next year (which I already have), I made sure most of them didn't have final exams. Probably the smartest move I could ever make.

Good luck with zams fellow scholars! I hope your memory is better than mine, and your caffeine intake is limited during this festive season (because, if this rant has taught us anything, I clearly have some sort of addiction).

Love,
Sarah