dominance and loyalty, don't mess with security

After four long (or short-- I can't quite figure it out) months, summer for me is officially winding down. I'm slowly starting to gather my things and begin the fantastic list making process of moving myself back to college. And of course, with the list making comes the stressful realization that I've left everything until the last minute once again, as well as the overwhelming feeling that I have just far too much I need to get done within the next two weeks.

While most people are whining about the lack of freedom that awaits us all at the beginning of September, I couldn't be more excited to get myself back to school. I'm not saying I don't love being home and with everyone here, but 4 month long summers can create a pretty big restless streak in someone.

At present time in my list making process, I am organizing all my goods and attempting to differentiate between necessary purchases I need to make for my return to uni, and purchases that are simply the desires of a 19 year old girl with lack of spending control. I mean, I used to think my buying habits were restricted to mainly clothes, but now that I'm some sort of grown up and living on my own, I've realized these habits also transfer over (quite easily) to the act of buying home decor. Nom nom.
Naturally (I say sarcastically, as if everyone is as all over the place and undecided as me) I've completely outgrown and am over the colour scheme I went with in my student house last year. For some reason I thought it would be nice and chipper to go with a yellow theme, which makes zero sense when I think about it now because I have never been a fan of the colour. But, thanks to poor judgement, I am now stuck with tons of tacky yellow throw pillows, a yellow desk chair, and some funky yellow desk accessories. Hm.
I find myself making impromptu trips to Ikea, promising myself I'll only look at practical things like organizers and hangers, but somehow drifting into the bed section and planning my new bedroom entirely around a beautiful wrought iron bed that I've come across or a $700 wardrobe that looks like it would take me right to Narnia.

Ohhh what I'd do with money if I had it...

Other than my list making and decor desires, the end of summer 2010 brings with it some lessons learned and some things to look forward to.
I think, out of all my 19 summers, this summer was definitely the most interesting and the most about me. With a boyfriend on the other side of the world for 3 months, and friends falling in and out of love and being in and out of my life because of it, I got a whole lot of time to focus on myself. And while, suffices to say, the aforementioned made this summer a little bit of a test on my emotions, it was all for the better. That's how I'm looking at it now, and the mentality I tried to keep towards my situation all summer long (though I admit, a few times my frustration got the best of me). As lame as I sound, I found a lot in myself that I think needed to be found. And I got to focus on a lot of stuff I haven't been able to, and have been making fantastic plans for this time next year (Scotland, Scotland, you're looking better every day)!
I really do think everything happens for a reason. We get thrown curveballs-good and bad, big and small- all the time, and we need to learn to just accept them. Because everything works out...it always does. I've been telling myself that for years but I think now I actually believe it ("Oh my god this girl is soo lame, cue sappy music").

For serious though. I'm a pretty happy girl right now.